You need and deserve at least a few people in your life with which you have healthy relationships, people whom:
You like, respect, and trust, and who like, respect and trust you.
Make you feel good about yourself.
Listen to you without sharing personal information about you with others.
You can tell anything.
Allow you to talk freely and express your feelings and emotions without judging you, criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down.
Give you good advice when you want and ask for it, and who will work with you to figure out what to do next in difficult situations.
Allow you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and make mistakes.
Accept you as you.
Healthy relationships are important to everyone. They take place between individuals as well as in groups.
Components of a Healthy Relationship
Positive Self Esteem
Mutual/separate goals and interests
Equality: no one is the boss.
Before you feel good in a Relationship, you must feel good about yourself.
accept yourself as you are, no one is perfect
know what your strengths are
take control of your life
have a positive attitude
feel good about the decisions you make
Communication is the key to a Healthy Relationship
talk openly about your feelings
Take responsibility for your feelings, thoughts and actions
work at resolving conflict
listen to your partner
do not jump to conclusions, ask when you are not sure what was said.
do not criticize, blame or ignore your partners ideas or beliefs.
What about Sex?
If the relationship is one that might involve sex, take your time and make sure that both of you are ready for sex.
Sex should be guilt-free. If either of you is feeling uncomfortable, you should wait.
Sex should be something you can discuss. If you can’t talk about sex you’re not ready for it. Issues such as protecting each other, likes and dislikes, and what makes you comfortable need to be discussed.
*** Sex set at an appropriate time can build intimacy and deepen a relationship.
Love Vs Infatuation
-there is jealousy and distrust
-one person hangs on the other
-partners have an idealized image
-there is a high level of fear of losing the other
-relationship is often built on physical attraction
-one person is always giving more than receiving
-you depend on the relationship to make you feel important
-one person frequently breaks promises
-there is honesty, respect and trust
-there is mutual giving and receiving
-partners have a balanced interest in other areas of life besides the relationship
-both persons are individuals apart from the relationship
-you both enjoy your time together
-both people feel at ease with the other.
What’s an Unhealthy Relationship
A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes where this behavior is normal. It’s not. They may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment. That person needs to work with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.
You may feel sad for someone who’s been mistreated but it is not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind. *** One partner cannot solve or change the behavior of the other partner. The only person’s behavior that you have any control over is your own.
A relationship that doesn’t work out has not been a waste of time or failure. Every relationship that you have teaches you something, and helps you grow as an individual.
-choose a safe location for the break-up
-be prepared for uncomfortable feelings; be clear, honest and compassionate
-avoid blaming and don’t walk out without an explanation, be respectful
-be Firm. Make the end Final
Tips to make breaking up easier:
don’t keep living in the past
express your thoughts to friends and family
call old friends
take care of yourself physically through rest, diet and exercise.
put away mementos
expect up days and down days
postpone major decisions and avoid making big changes in your life.
find new ways to enjoy the extra time and new freedom
Source: Healthy Relationships April 2006 Region of Waterloo, Public Health 115214-CD367