Why do they stay

They love the partner not their behaviors and feel that their partner may change
No resources – feels unable to leave due to financial pressures
The children
Relatives / in-laws/ friends/ ethnic / religious family members advise / pressure them to stay.
Can’t leave because of a disability
Partner threatens suicide or harm to others (including pets)
Low self-esteem and isolation – nobody else would ever want them / they won’t make it by themselves
Has been repeatedly told that no one will believe them
Doesn’t want to split up the family
Has been told that the abuse is their fault
They believe that they deserve the abuse
They are full of guilt and shame

How can I help my friend or loved one?

Believe them when they tell you that they are abused!
Don’t be afraid to let them know that you are concerned for their safety.
Help them recognize the abuse and that abuse is so much more than just being hit (verbal, emotional, sexual, spiritual, financial).
Tell them what you see happening is not normal and that they deserve a healthy non-violent, non-abusive relationship.
Listen to them, non-judgmentally, provide them with #’s to their local shelter, lawyers or crisis line; offer to accompany them to appointments with police, lawyers, shelters etc.
Offer to keep important papers and possessions stored for them so they can leave at a moments notice.
Don’t force them to leave before they are ready and trust their instincts to know when it is safe to leave.
Don’t tell them how bad their partner is or what a “loser” their partner is because in effect they will only hear you saying what an “idiot” and a “loser” they really are for choosing that person.
Be safe with your help. The time leading up to their leaving their partner and when they actually leave can be a very stressful and dangerous time.
Ask for help if you don’t feel prepared to help them or are uncomfortable.
Remember: You might also need support. Domestic abuse effects family and friends as well. Call Cantara Safe House at (403) 793-2232 to talk.